I skipped lunch, for my scheduled appointment with Dr. Bitten. He’s German, and I’m taking German, but I kinda wanted a female councilor, who I’d be more comfortable talking about this sort of thing with.
His secretary, I didn’t get her name, she got up, and went right to the door. “Here he is.”
“Sorry I’m late.” He got up, and went right to the couch.
“It’s your time, but I didn’t have any other appointments this morning, so I’m running a little late myself.” He folded up the bed, back into the bottom of the couch, and started picking up cushions.
“Oh, you spent the night.” I guessed.
“It was a long night, we’re dealing with this virus going around. You haven’t had any symptoms, or been exposed to anyone with a bad cough?”
“Nope, fit as a fiddle,” but I looked over his certificates. Framed on the wall, the highest one he had was a Masters in Child Psychology, I think. Bachelors of education…
“Have a seat.” He finished putting the cushions back, and went back around the desk.
“If you don’t mind, I’d rather stand.” I started pacing. “It helps me think.”
“So, what seems to be the problem?”
“Well, I’ve been having these thoughts. Intrusive thoughts.”
“Violent?”
“No,” I took a deep breath. “Huh! Sexual.” Stopped at the book case, but I didn’t turn back. Until I heard papers, and looked to see him opening my file. Holding up some form or another, stapled to the top.
“You’re a freshman. Fourteen, and that’s not all that uncommon.”
“Huh, I know, but some of them are.” I just swallowed the lump in my throat, and finally get the balls to admit, “Homoerotic.” Out loud. “Huh!”
He looked up, and I turned away. Pretended to read the spines, and checked the tops for dust. Nope, perfectly clean. I rubbed my fingers with my thumb anyway.
He paused for a while, and I got sick of nervously pacing, so I went back to the couch.
“How do you feel?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never been the kinda guy that shares his feelings.” I must have made a face. “That was always an F word, it’s almost disgusting, like moist.” I shook my head.
“You seem to be doing alright, but try to relax.” I just felt the vinyl of the old sofa, and saw some threads pulled tight, through a crack.
“Is that what the couch is for, Doctor?”
“It’s just an old couch, you don’t have to sit, or lie down, if that wouldn’t make you more comfortable.”
“I don’t know how to feel, disgusted?” I went over to the chair, instead, and sat down. “I guess some of them are, a little violent, but. I should feel disgusted, shouldn’t I?”
“Not if you’re homosexual.”
“I’m not, and I’m not just saying that, either. I like girls, and the way they look. Especially on summer when they break out the swimsuits, and the hot weather clothes, low cut dresses, and. Huh! Bras, all right? I love the look of a bra strap peeking out over her shoulder, or even the shape of it through her top.”
“The shape of the bra, or the breast.”
“Well, you know, that it’s what’s inside that’s important.” I grinned. “I guess it’s the shape that the bra gives their breasts.” I held my hands up. “You know, how big ones get saggy when they’re older, but at the pool, they’re held up, and squose together, so they shake, and bounce when they walk.”
“It sounds like you’re talking about older women, and not girls, your age.”
“Well, maybe a little older, juniors, and seniors, but also some of the faculty.”
“Again, that seems fairly normal, for your age group. Now, I’d like to talk about the intrusive thoughts, that are bothering you.”
“Huh! Yeah, all right. I guess, that’s what I came to talk about, but those aren’t like. Thought thoughts, or dreams. There was these guys, and they said they’re not gay, but they kept doing, homosexual stuff, and trying to make me perform homosexual acts, that I didn’t want to, so I didn’t hang out with them any more. End of story, or so I thought, but lately, I’ve been thinking about what happened, what could have happened, and some of them are scary, but others.”
I had my foot up, bouncing on my knee nervously, but I looked at it, and stopped. “Oh, sorry.” Mostly for an excuse to cross my legs, because it started happening again. I just looked around, for something to distract me, from the images of butts, balls, and hard dicks bouncing around in front of me.
“How long ago was this?”
“I don’t know, a few years ago, maybe 5?”
“And how old were these boys?”
“Older, maybe high school, I don’t know. I didn’t know them, I just met them on vacation, but they had a smart phone, and they showed me pictures. Dirty pictures of naked girls, but I think they’re trying to molest me. I didn’t let them touch me, they asked if I wanted to touch them, or take my shorts off. If I felt hot, and;”
I shook my head, but the flashbacks got too strong, and I had to crush my balls, discretely between my legs, to make the boner go away.
“Take your time.”
“Huh, I finally knew that they’re fags, uh. I mean, homosexual when they started kissing, and stuff, right in front of me. So, I ran away, and told the first person I could find that there were a couple of gay boys, doing gay stuff, in public. By the time we got back, they’re gone, but he called the cops anyway. They didn’t even send a police car to check, since they weren’t there, they just made the man check for fluids, or any other evidence over the phone. No evidence, and there’s nothing to investigate, so he took me back to the hotel.”
I swallowed, and took a deep breath. “Huh, he didn’t try anything. He was nice, and I trusted him. A complete stranger, and he didn’t do anything to take advantage of me, but.” Another deep breath. “Lately, I’ve been thinking about, what I would have done,” willingly, “If he had.”
“Well, it sounds like you were emotionally compromised, by what happened, and then finding a man that you could trust may have fostered some latent feelings.”
“Homosexual feelings?”
“No, childish feelings, of attachment.”
“Oh, good.” I nodded.
Then the bell rang, the first bell, but he got up, and showed me to the door. “Well, this is a little outside my experience, but if you think, maybe it would help for you to talk to another student, struggling with similar problems.”
I nodded. “Susan, why don’t you see if Darren Smalls has practice this afternoon?” she nodded, and picked up the phone.
“How did you know?”
“What?” He pulled the door to the office, with us out in the hall. It was loud, and busy with students going back, and forth. Locker doors echoing around the corner, and trays rattling in the cafeteria.
“Nothing, thanks.” I just left, but the honest truth is that Darren was one of the guys I’d had disturbing thoughts about.
He said that he was having similar issues, or had had them, maybe. He was a Junior, and in Junior Varsity Basketball, but he wasn’t the tallest one on the team. He was broad shouldered enough to maybe play football, but somehow what little we got to talk about cleared my head, for the rest of the day.
I wrote a note: [Dr. Bitten, and Darrin Smalls, after school.] Ironic enough, that he was named Smalls. Like Leonard Smalls, from Raising Arizona, only instead of a big dirty demon-biker, he was clean-cut, tall, and broad shouldered, with muscular legs, especially. I assume from jumping to block shots, he plays Defense. Whatever position defense is in Basketball, we haven’t covered that in PE yet, but as soon as I finished that note. I put it out of my mind to concentrate on class, until later.
It did help my intrusive thoughts. Mostly paranoid thoughts, even when I went to the bathroom to take a leak. Nobody asked if anyone else was looking at their dick, we just lined up, and kept our eyes on the wall, over the urinals, then I washed my hands, and left.
“Huh!” Gym class is the worst, because of all those boys, my age. Trying not to look, and succeeding, but I have to admit that I’m more than a little tempted. It’s just the fear of getting caught, especially being spotted with a bone, but I never got one changing, or showering with them yet. I mostly waited until after, and then let my imagination run wild. In the showers, so if anything nasty came out, it would wash right off, but none of the boys in my gym class.
Thankfully, they’re all young, and scrawny, like me, but the basketball team, or the football team especially. Hm, yeah. They just won the big game, and they’re so exited from the victory. Slapping asses, “Good game,” and then stopping to rub, and squeeze them. Holding their dicks together, with both hands gripping their cheeks tight, and rubbing firm flat muscular chests together with their hard cocks sandwiched between their abs, until the cum stars shooting up between them in fountains of sexual extacy.
Then the sucking, and butt-fucking. Once my imagination starts going, it runs wild, but after my last class, I didn’t want to go to the bathroom. Honestly, I’m a little afraid of somebody catching me in there, not to mention how dirty, and smokey it gets after a long day, before the janitorial staff comes around to clean them.
I wanted to beat off, so bad, thinking about a big gay athletic orgy, but I didn’t. Then, I got to the nurse’s office, the school nurse, and all the councilors share the same office, but he had his own secretary, and Darrin was there. Standing around, and looking bored. I wanted to say something, but instead, I just paced. Watching his foot bounce, and his calf muscle shake, then turning back, and forth. Trying not to look, then checking his eyes, to see if he caught me looking, but he didn’t even look up.
Just kept his eyes down, on the book in his lap. “Dr. Bitten will see you now.”
“Huh!” He closed his book, and Susan showed me into the office. He laughed, “Once Bitten, twice shy, eh Doc?”
He just looked up from his desk, and closed a folder. “Have a seat.”
“Uh,” I went for the chair first, so Darrin got on the sofa, with his foot up, but at least he didn’t bounce it on his knee.
“So,” he put his arms up, across the back. “What’s this about?”
“Well, without violating any confidentiality, Ogden here has been having a little trouble. I thought that with your experience, you might be able to help put his mind at ease.” I started bouncing my foot nervously, but that set Derrin’s bouncing, so I could watch the muscle twitch in his calf. “However, he’s going to have to talk about, whatever he’s willing to talk about, with supervision.”
I swallowed, and tried to take a breath. “Uhm, Bitten, that’s German for please, right?” I guessed.
He shook his head, “Closer to ask. The way they say “Please” in English, when they ask for something, politely, but it doesn’t translate directly to please.”
I nodded, “Well, with that out of the way, Darrin. How do you spell that?”
“D. E. R, R. I. N.”
“Oh, I got it wrong.” I took out the note, and the cap off my pen, to correct it. “Interesting spelling.”
“I guess my mom wanted to set me apart, from the other Darrens.” He shrugged.
“Well, Derrin. Uh, Dr. Bitten mentioned that you had some similar, uh. Experiences, which may help you understand my problem better.”
He looked over at the desk. “What kinds of experiences? Sexual experience, as a boy?”
“Oh!” I was relieved. “You’re.”
“Molested.” He nodded. “She stopped when I started puberty.”
“You’re molested, by a woman?”
“Yeah, my mother, and other boys she got me to bring over. She molested them too.”
“Oh, wow. I can’t imagine. You seem to be. Okay with that?”
He shrugged, “I’m in therapy, so I guess I got used to talking about it.” I didn’t notice until he sighed, and rolled his eyes that his voice was getting higher, and higher. Softer, and quieter, but alsohigher in pitch?
“If you don’t mind me asking, you’re not gay, are you?”
“Well,” he made a face, “If you’re going to ask like that.” He straightened up, and puffed his chest out, but his voice went deep again.
“Oh, no. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, I just.” Never dreamed that suck a big strong tall muscular athlete could be gay, but I had hoped. “Ngh?” I looked over at Dr. Bitten.
He shook his head. “we’re not here to work on his problems. He has professional therapists to help him with that, so why don’t you tell him what happened?”
I couldn’t look at him, but I squirmed, and took a little pride in the fact that I didn’t get turned on. Telling him about the boys. “Gay boys.”
Dr. Bitten raised his hands, off his desk, and cleared his throat. “Let’s not jump to conclusions. They might have been pedophiles, sharing their interest in young boys. I don’t know, it’s impossible to diagnose sexuality from secondhand hearsay.”
I nodded, “So, child molesters aren’t gay?”
“Uh!” Derrin scoffed, “That’s a myth, that gay men molest little boys.” He shook his head. “If they’re gay, and they had each other, they wouldn’t have to.”
“Well, they didn’t molest me, they tried to get me to jerk them off, and take my clothes off, but I didn’t. I ran away, and told the first adult I could find, but then. Years alter, i started thinking about him. Dr. Bitten, he said that. Was?”
I asked, and shook my head. “He’s a little too trusting, of men. I have to weigh the risk of him getting into behaviors, and situations, that some men might take advantage of that trust. Victims are more likely to be victimized again, statistically speaking.”
“Huh!” Even his dry doctor talk didn’t take the sting out of the V word. Victim, I never thought of myself as a victim, and I don’t like the way it feels now that he outed me, as a victim. The bicurious part, that was a relief, so I decided to cover it up, by coming out. “I think, I. Well, I feel. Uh, little. Bisexual?”
I looked up, at Derrin, to see his reaction, but he smiled, and nodded. “Feels good to get that off your chest, huh?” He looked me over. I squirmed, but I couldn’t help another nervous erection growing in my pants. “I promise not to take advantage of him, doc.”
“Well, as much as I’d like to take your word for it, I have to weigh your past predatory behavior.”
“I’m over that.” He waved it off.
“You know that the recidivism rate for sexual abusers.”
“I’m not a sexual abuser. I’m gay, and all the boys were gay, or at least.” He waved his hand at me, backhand. “Bicurious. I didn’t make them do anything they didn’t want to.”
“Look.” He sat forward, and looked back, seriously. Shaking his head, “I just can’t afford to take that chance, especially as I introduced you to him, I could be arrested as accessory.” He pulled out a slip of paper. “So, I’m going to have to ask you to read this, and sing it.”
“What’s this?” Derrin pulled his shirt out of his shorts before he got up. I’m pretty sure to cover the erection in his pants, like the boner throbbing in mine, and I wondered if he had a jock strap on under it.
“Just read it, carefully, and signing acknowledges that you understand. Legally, you agree to the terms, and if you violate them, you’re criminally liable.”
He took it, and flipped back the first page, from the couch. Nodding, “Mhm?” He shook his head, and looked up. “You aren’t.”
“Of course not. I’m trying to help him, not you act on your urges.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my sexuality.”
“I know that, but don’t play the homophobia card with me. I’m talking about your predatory urges.”
“I never acted on them, though.”
“What kinds of predatory urges?” I tried to act scared, instead of interested, to varying degrees of success.
“Huh! I want to be a teacher. That’s all.”
“No, that’s not all. He uses that tutor/student relationship.”
“No, I don’t.”
“No, but that’s your fantasy, isn’t it?”
“Who told you that? My doctor?”
“You’re my patient too, and you want to read the form you signed, waiving confidentiality?”
“No, I remember. I’m bored with all this paperwork, so you got a pen?”
“I do!” I handed it over, a little too eager to please him, get close to him, and stand up, so he could see the stiffness, poking out the front of my pants.
He got up, and shook his head. Trying to hide his grin, but he bent over, and signed it. “What’s it say, can I read it?”
“That would be a good idea, but you better go, Derrin.”
Among other things, it forbade him from any contact with me, outside supervision from Dr. Bitten. “Huh!’
“You understand?”
“I think so. I might have some urges to please him, that you may be able to help me control.”
“Good,” he hit a button on his phone. Holding it, he said “Susan, can you take Ogden home?” He nodded, and hung up.
;
Suzanne (Fm…)
“I’m not a secretary,” I told him, “I’m an intern.”
“Oh, like a student-teacher?”
“Well, I am a student, working on a graduate degree in School Administration, but I’m also taking psychology. How are you feeling?” As soon as we got out of the air conditioning, it was hot, and muggy, but that wasn’t the only reason I took off my jacket. Took a deep breath, of fresh mowed grass, and pushed my chest up, right in front of him. “Huh!”
He looked up, then away, embarrassed when I caught him staring at my tight blouse.
“I don’t know if I’m supposed to talk about it without Mr. Bitten.”
“Bit`ten.” I nodded.
“Bit’ten?” He tried.
“That’s better.” I got my keys out, and hit the button for the door locks. No alarm, just a button for them, and the truck. I popped that, and threw my notes in the back. Not even trying to resist the thought of pushing him in, and slamming the lid, to drive off to somewhere that we could moan as loud as we want.
You know they say that sexual predators are attracted to certain positions, as well as potential victims? Well, it depends on the predator, high school because I like a little hair on them. Psychology, because I like to get into their heads, and virgins, because they’re always eager to please. Especially sexually confused boys that are afraid of being gay, and might do anything to prove that they aren’t.
Bisexual, or bi-curious. It has nothing to do with me, but I spotted Derrin hanging around. “Don’t look, it’ll only encourage him.”
I had to pull his file, because he was an underclassman a couple years before I started this year. Interesting, maternal incest is at once both the most common, and least reported long-term sexual abuse, because a mother has control over him, his whole life. Even before he’s aware of anything more that her face, just inside his focal distance, her nipple, and the milk, as he suckles.
I can definitely empathize, though I don’t have any children of my own, nor have I ever been pregnant. Not yet, however I have to think about how intimate it must be. Nursing, and the satisfaction of him slipping away. Sleepily, his belly full, and his suckling getting slower. Weaker as if drugged, and slipping off to dream whatever a baby boy does. My guess would be nipples, and milk.
“Well, whatever you want to talk about, you can talk about with me. I’m not going to make you sign any forms. Honestly, when I get off, the last thing I want to think about is more paperwork, but it’s your confidentiality. His responsibility to respect it, but your secrets are your secrets. It’s your closet, and your perogative to keep me out.”
“How did you know?”
“What?” I laughed. “Where you live?” Already heading that way. “Look, somebody has to transcribe his notes, and transcripts of your conversations for the records. He’s too busy, and honestly, that’s what I’m there to learn. Administration.”
“So, you know what we talked about, today.”
“I don’t know what you, and that boy talked about, but I’ll find out tomorrow when I process the notes anyway. You might as well tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Huh, I just don’t want to get hurt.” He took a ragged breath.
“This going to take a while? We’re almost there.”
“Oh,” he looked around, “Yeah, why don’t you turn up there.” I drove past the parking lot of his apartments, and signaled for the left lane. Pulled up at the light. “Huh, a part of me feels excited about how predatory he is, but another part of me is afraid that he’ll break my heart. Take advantage of me, and then just leave me alone, but I already have feelings for him.”
“Mhm? How about this park.”
“Yeah, that’s where I was taking you, we can talk there, if you don’t mind?”
“Oh, not at all.”
“I guess you’re better at talking about your feelings to, because you’re not going to judge me like men would. Well, not Dr. Bitten, I think I can open up to him, but the more I say to.” he took a deep breath. “Huh! Derrin.”
Like a lovestruck schoolgirl, honestly.
“He’s a good looking guy.”
“Yeah, tall. Athletic, and creepy, but is it wrong that his creepy looks turn me on?”
“No, not at all. I like guys like that, too. It’s a shame that he’s gay. What? I’m not going to do anything with a student, but I have thought about, maybe in a couple years. When I’m no longer interning, and he graduates, there wouldn’t be a conflict of interest.”
“Except for his sexuality, and being scared of women, because of what his.” He stopped. “Sorry, I can’t talk about that.”
“Oh, no. I know all about his mommy, and his boyfriends. Honestly, it was in his medical record.”
“Huh, you shouldn’t be reading those records, and using them against me like this. You think that I don’t know what you’re doing? I’m not stupid.”
“What do you think I’m trying to do to you?”
“I don’t know if it’s gaslighting, or some kind of emotional bullying.”
“Huh, well. I’ll stop, and take you home.”
“No,” he put his hand on mine, to stop me from turning the keys. “I didn’t say that I wanted you to stop.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to know what you want to do to me, but don’t tell me.” He let go, and leaned back. “Huh, show me.” Closed his eyes. “I’d rather it be a surprise.”
;
Ogden (Fm)
I wonder if they’re in on it, together? Dr. Bitten, made sure to keep Derrin from taking advantage of me, and sent him away, but then when I saw him, outside the school. He looked jealous, and then she started going to work on me. At first, i thought that she might be trying to get secrets out of me, and I even almost let one slip, but she already knew.
She already knew everything, but does Dr. Bitten know what kind of intern he has in his office? Giving papers to, and letting her type in the transcripts of our conversations. Our confidential conversations, but then she said that she wouldn’t do anything with a student. She said that about Derrin, but she lied about that.
As soon as I gave consent, she didn’t waste any time, unbuckling her seatbelt. The shoulder strap across her tight top, pulling it even tighter, and separating her boobs. Can’t even really call them tits, but she’s young, well. Older then me, but that’s not saying much. In college, already working on her graduate degree, so maybe even almost 30?
“Huh!” She took her top off, and I closed my cracked eye. Peeking, but I thought that there was something different about her. As soon as she took her jacket off, I noticed that she was a little too lose. The shape that her bra gave them was gone, because she took it off, some time between lunch, and my after school appointment, so they dropped right out, and bounced. I reached for the eat-belt, but she stopped me.
“Not yet.” Felt my face, and pulled me over, but not to kiss me. She got up, and turned around, to sit on the dash-board. Bent over so her tits hung right in front of me, and lifted one up. Squeezing it, and holding her nipple up to my face. My lips, and it hardened into a rubbery bump before I could even suck it in.
“Smup! Huhl!”
“You’re a natural.” she turned, and slipped her head over mine. “Get the other one.” Squeezing out the nipple to hold that one up for me to kiss, suck, and lick.
“I’m a mammal.” I joked, “Just doing what comes naturally.”
“Ahahaheh!” She laughed, and pulled her skirt up. Her butt hit the windshield when she pulled down the back of her panties, and I looked around to see if anyone saw us together. I’d be proud if I got caught, with an older woman, but then she reached down, and unhooked my seatbelt. Pulling out my shirt, and sticking her fingers in my pants to pull them out, and undo the button.
I went back to her tits, and held them up together. Making a hand bra, her ass slipped off the dashboard, and she sat down across my knees. I saw her pubic hairs, and closed my eyes to take a deep breath through my nose. Let the scent of her sex fill my head, and then accidentally blew a fart in her tits when she grabbed my head again. Shook her shoulders, so they batted my cheeks, and felt down between my legs with her other hand.
She pulled it out, through the fly in my boxers, so I had to reach down, and undo the button. “You have a rubber?” I asked.
“No, huh!” She was so red hot, “I don’t want to use one. I want a baby, an adorable little one, with your cheeks.” She felt them. “Bright red cheeks like these.” She didn’t pinch them, but I still felt like, well I did whenever my grandmothers, or aunts would pinch my cheeks, and tell me how adorable I was. “You think you can do that?”
“Get you pregnant?” I looked down, and nodded. “I sure can try.”
“Promise me you won’t get attached. Tell me that you won’t try to. Uh!” She sat down, and pushed her knuckles hard into my pubes, then pulled out a little to slip her fingers, and thumb back out. “Huh, fuck. Me, yeah! Fuck me!”
I just shook my head, and closed my eyes. She did all the fucking, and even said faster, deeper, harder fucking me faster, deeper, and harder. “Cum in me, cum in me now, put a baby in me now!”
“Uh, huh! Huh, fuck, uh. Uhhhhn!”
“Huh!” She just held onto me, and squeezed. Hard, her sex clamped down, and she held on until I got soft. Started slipping out, but that just milked the last drops inside her. “Hhuh!” She tuned, and held her hand over it. “Uh!” Grunted, and climbed between the seats. “Huh! I can feel it inside me.” She crossed her legs, and squeezed them together. “Huh, I don’t want drive you home, is it all right if I stay here, to give them a chance to fertilize me?”
“No, I can walk.”
“I don’t want you to tell anyone, you’re the father.”
“No, I won’t. I’m not really one to kiss, and tell.” I leaned over, and kissed her red hot cheek. “Smooch! You don’t want me to be part of their life? You don’t want him, or her to have a father?”
She shook her head, and closed her eyes. “I don’t care, maybe I’ll find a man, but I can’t let anyone know what I’ve done. It could ruin my life, before it even gets started, but I don’t want to wait to become a mother. I don’t want to wait until it’s too late, and I’m too old to enjoy it.”
I nodded, “Makes sense.” And got out. I could hear children playing at the playground, but she parked around behind the trees, so none of them saw us together.
I don’t think that I can, develop any feelings for her. She was like a stranger, not even 4 hours ago when I first came to the office. I guess I’m even all right with another man raising my son, or daughter, but I’m barely even a man now.
I am a man now, and not just because I had sex. Because i have to worry about adult stuff now, like my future. Relationships, whether I want a man, or woman in my life.
“Huh! A man.” I don’t want a wife. “I want a man, like Derrin.” Honestly, I know now that he’d be more than happy to share me with other men, and even a woman. He wasn’t even jealous when he saw us in the parking lot together, and I know that if there’s anyone I can talk to, about my first time, it’ll be him.
Not now, we can’t be alone together now, but what she said about waiting for him to graduate? We won’t have Dr. Bitten’s supervision forever. He’s going to graduate, in a yeah, and a half, but if he doesn’t want to wait for me until then.
That’s okay, I won’t tell on him, either. I can keep a secret, it’ll be our little secret, and I know that I can trust him, because if he dares break my heart, he knows that I can send him to jail for statch.
Is that passive aggressive? Maybe a little, I think.
;
Author
I don’t know whether or not to point out that he didn’t even think about giving a predatory woman a child to live out her dreams of maternal incest. It didn’t occur to him, because people don’t suspect women, and girls, but the truth is that they can be just as fucked up as men.
Only a little more subtle about it.