Just one evening, with enough wine to loosen the minds, I sat down with Kirsty and got to the bottom of her cheating. Fuck, the honesty of her thoughts both amazed and wrecked me. Don’t ever believe that crap about sugar and spice and all things nice. My wife is as hard as nails.

There came a night, just one night when we got to the bottom of things. My wife had I knew been cheating on me on and off for two years. Two fucking years! Nights out with the girls had been nights out in some other fucker’s bed. Weekends away at a reunion had been weekends away trying out a new union. She had another mobile phone, pay as you go. Some of her girlfriends smiled at me knowingly wondering i guess how she handled her sap of a husband so easily. The signs were there and I chose to ignore them. I chose to ignore them consciously because I love the woman that much and frankly because I am a coward and the thought of starting again, being out there trying to form a new relationship seemed liked shit. I’m quiet, shy, personable and sincere. They’re nice qualities that some woman could easily love, but I was married to Kirsty.

She came home that Friday night not so late, having been out with whoever since lunch time. I poured her a glass of red and watched her get out of her skin tight designer jeans and the high heeled boots. Her panties were soaked with cum, again. I could smell the sex on her. We’d long gone pretending that she didn’t take an occasional cock. We were at the stage (I supposed then) that we saw that as sport, or an aside, as something that wasn’t emotionally, soul based about us. I asked to lick her sex. It was dirty, degrading to do that I know. But you need to see it in the psychological frame. As I say, I was besotted with the woman and reasoned anything that I could do to stay in her life, well, it was worth trying. Normally Kirsty says no. She tells me that I am disgusting. I think what she means is that the act of watching me lick another man’s spunk off her faithless cunt is disgusting. Its like too raw a realisation of what she does. Anyway, this time, after two large glasses of red, she let me do it. She sat on the edge of the bed, whilst a blackbird sang in the orchard outside, and let me lick her sex. I remember struggling to swallow what came into my mouth. It was glutinous, more like glue than cream. The spunk was matted in her pubes. He’d fucked her a few hours ago. But she smelled strongly of this one. She smelled of his musk and his sweat, his body in ways that assaulted me as I edged my face between her soft white thighs. For the first time, heart sink, I saw why my occasional fucking of Kirsty those last two years registered hardly at all. Her sex was bored out. She was used to bigger men. I licked, folding my tongue like a marrow scoop, slipping it into that cavren and I ladled what plugged inside there. Kirsty sighed. I felt her hand run over my head, her fingers catch in my hair. She was accepting it.

‘I need to do this…’ I whispered, tasting her, tasting him. The truth of it was, by then, I did! I needed to somehow know her other world, I needed to know the woman who was different out there. I wanted after so munch innuendo, so many lies and little absences, so many smirking girlfriend smiles, to accept what she did to me. We smiled a lot, she laughed at lot at my oafish efforts to amuse. She liked it that i held down a great job and brought good money home. It wasn’t that she didn’t like me in those regards. It was just that I wasn’t what sex represented to her.

‘Alright, ‘ she breathed, ‘but I want it all licked up…from there and behind.’

I started. Did men do that? Did they also fuck a girl’s arse? You know. Of course you do. I was naive. I did missionary sex (ineffectually) and I licked pussy a lot. Period, that was the limit of my imagination. Being nice wasn’t enough though.

‘He’s made you pretty sexy’ I murmured, lapping and kissing down there. Stupid, the comment was stupid i know. But it signalled my acceptance right. It was like an acknowledgement that she was different because of him. No, if I was honest, she was better because of him. I couldn’t get her pussy into this mess. She smiled at me like I was a child. She smiled at me knowingly as if I had the world yet to understand.

‘He’s called Earl, ‘ she said stroking my hair, ‘he’s going to move in next week.’

That was why I’d been allowed this. She had found someone. I mean someone more than a casual fuck. The realisation deluged through my brain like a mud slide. You have to consider this. Before, I assumed that she was just turned on by casual sex. May be she was a risk queen. Now, now the sex was something different, it had been a quest. You feel judged differently when a woman says something like that. Before, you were augmented, you were supplemented by something exciting. Now, you learned that you were never enough, never enough to really keep a beautiful and a head strong woman going.

‘Earl says that you can sleep in the small bedroom along the corridor. You don’t have to go just as long as you accept things’ she whispered. I felt her press her sex against my mouth. More of the gloop oozed out. I licked that up. She watched me. It was as if that tiny interlude said that I would cope. Somehow, I would cope.

‘Kirsty, I need to understand,’ I breathed, ‘I need to get it straight in my head.’ More stupid words. But if your world was changing, then you’d ask too. You’d ask about how you were judged. You would ask about what you might become.

‘I won’t apologise Martin, I can’t’ she warned, rubbing her lush sex against my nose now.

‘No…no hassle, I’m not criticizing’ i spluttered. Dear God, don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.

‘You were never enough. You were never good enough’ she said. She had poured more wine and that on top of afternoon drinks with Earl…well.

‘I know’ i lied. I know! I didn’t know. My stomach was churning.

‘you’re always so nice so inoffensive’ she whispered. She said the words as if they were a rash on my face. She used them like I was covered in pustular acne. ‘I didn’t need nice Martin, i needed someone stronger, better.’

She rolled over, kneeling forward on the bed and stuck her peachy rear out at me. I could see spunk stuck on her cheeks and another line of the stuff down the crease as well. I started to lick the mess up.

‘I bought you nice clothes, the sexy clothes.’

‘Yes, ‘ she murmured, ‘you knew, didn’t you?’

I kissed her cheeks. They were so perfect.

‘You bought me the clothes knowing that I was looking for someone better’ she continued. Her voice was husky. I was getting her thoughts from the heart. I hadn’t bought the clothes that way. I’d bought them so that she would love me. There…..I’d said it. I’d tried to buy her love.

‘It’s cruel….I know it’s cruel, but women judge men. They decide what they are good for….’

I eased open her cheeks, saw the thick white semen oozing out of her bottom and licked it up. I swam my tongue around and around her botty hole.

‘He’s better than me…you’ve chosen someone better than me’ I stammered.

Lame. That was lame. Like she’d chose a nerd or something. Like she’d chose another me. I licked her arse hole full tongue.

‘Kirst you need to tell me. I have to understand, if he’s going to live here for Christ’s sake!’

She looked at me. She looked at me like she was judging just how much pain i could take.

‘He’s younger than you, he’s 27. He’s much more successful than you. He’s a business man who spends a lot of time down here in London. He’s very physical, six feet tall, well built.’ she said, cataloguing all the things that ripped off my self esteem like a bottl of neat acid poured over a face.

‘You’d want his kids’ I said, tossing her a blade to stick me with.

‘Yes’ she said. I watched her turn and then lie akimbo on the bed. She slipped her manicured fingers down to her sex, peeling open her lips so that could continue licking. I actually wiped my tongue on the duvet cover, seeing her sex like it was some kid of altar. Then I went to her again.

‘No guilt…no guilt now?’ I whispered. She knew what i meant. It was the stff about cheating on me, judging me at last.

She paused.

I kissed her gaping sex.

She looked down at me.

‘No’ she whispered. ‘ I’m not ashamed about judging you. If you won’t do as Earl tells you, then you’ll have to go.’

I licked luxuriously through the soft folds of her lips. I felt them slide against my nose. Her sex was so stretched that I could put a lot of my outstretched tongue inside. More came out. I swallowed.

‘That’s a terrible thing to say’ I managed. I was almost crying by then.

I felt her grind down against my mouth when I pressed it there again.

‘Politeness is a veil…sex rips it off’ she sneered through clenched teeth. My tonguing was pleasing her. It emboldened her.

‘You deserve better than me, because of how you look, because of your pussy?’ i quavered, lapping with my tongue up towards her bud and the luxurious hood that covered it.

‘Because I am beautiful, because I married down’ she admitted. I felt her tense. My tongue, those fucking words, they made her spasm. I could feel myself spasming. My cock was hard and I rubbed it against the bed side.

‘I was a mistake…’ I murmured. I flicked her clitty. It was done almost with malice. The thing was bulbous now, swollen and proud. I hated her and adored her. She was like a fucking Pharoah queen, without rules, beyond my judgement.

Kirtsy looked at me…

‘Are you going to accept Earl and do as he tells you?’ Her fingers reached down. They brushed my mouth. I licked them too. I felt like a fucking dog that needed to nurture everything by licking and then some.

‘Yes’ I conceded.

She nodded and drew me back to her clitty. ‘Gently’ she whispered.

When I was licking lightly, teasingly across her bud, she answered,

‘Yes Martin, you were a mistake…I could have done better.’

I clamped my lips on her clitty. I sucked it and she tensed. She tensed in an ecstacy. There! Try that!

‘You were nice, so nice and i was amused. You amused me Martin you made me laugh. But then I despised you. I despised you because you were never manly with me. Is that what you needed to hear?!!’ she snapped the words out, locking my mouth against her clitty. ‘Now you are just something to please this way. Now you are there to keep house and to buy me clothes. Is that the truth that you need to hear?!’

I let go of her clitty. I looked up at her.

We both gasped, sucking down breathes. It was as if the bedroom was airless.

‘Yes….I suppose……yes’ I murmured.

She waited. She waited for me to fuck off out of the room, out of the house and down the road. She waited for me to bolt.

I knelt there, beside her stretched legs, her soaking cunt and her curly pubes. She smelled devine. She tasted woman. She looked like a tastefully rendered nude on an unmade bed, one that her lover had just left. She was a muse, a bitch and a goddess.

‘May be, may be’ she admitted, ‘women need to hurt some men. May be some men are meant to be humiliated.’ she conceded. It was heart stoppingly frank. She needed to despise me. She needed to use me.

I nodded. The veil gone. The world seen through an open window, not the tinted glass panes.

‘I like humiliating you. I liked going out with men when I knew that you guessed. I liked sharing secrets with girlfriends who laugh at you.’

The words were devastating.

The words were heart felt.

I looked at her. Her bare breasts showing through the silk wrap, the nipples erect atop soft brown areoles. A woman isn’t all nice. A woman isn’t all sweetness and humility. A woman can be arrogant, and cruel and domineering. It was then, as if she had run out of the cutting truth. It was as if I had taken the reality beating. I wanted to lick her again. I wanted to lick her sex. I glanced at it. My eyes must have signalled something because she positioned herself so that i could continue worshipping her. I licked delicately, working now to assure her of the longest the sweetest, the fullest orgasm possible. She felt me caress her there, with my lips, with my curling tongue.

‘You dirty little bastard’ she murmured.

I nodded and licked nonetheless.

She reached to her shoulder bag. She pulled out her phone and flicked up a picture of him. A smiling bull necked, big chested black guy in a tuxedo.

Lutheran Maid