“Jesus fucking Christ!” I huffed and screamed in rage as I threw the string of lights across the room to where they puttered like hail against the wall. “Why did I decide to do this?”

I drew a deep breath, balling my fists against my hips as I glanced around the room at the decorations, knowing full well why I decided to do it. It was a big middle finger to my ex, Damian, who’d never let me decorate the place with more than a couple of ever-so-slightly festive ornaments along the mantelpiece in the six years we were together. According to Damian, Christmas was for kids. Well, if I wanted to be a kid I would, and he no longer had any way of stopping me. Let Sandra from accounts deal with his bullshit Christmas aversion this year.

Puffing out my breath felt good. “Just forget the lights,” I told myself out loud. “The rest looks good.”

It was a lie. I mean, the rest did look good, but without the lights it was missing something. It was missing that magic, the thing that made you think as a kid that anything was possible at this time of year.

But try as I might, the lights just wouldn’t seem to go on the tree in any sort of balanced way. I either ended up with too many left over, or with too much empty space. It shouldn’t have frustrated me the way it did, to be honest, but it was what it meant. It was what it represented.

With a sigh, I wandered over to where they had landed and stared down at my handiwork. My tantrum had resulted in at least two broken bulbs that I could see, and that wasn’t going to help anything.

The knock at the door made me jump, but I wasn’t upset at the interruption. I wandered out into the hall and knew who it was by the shape of her silhouette before I even pulled the door open.

“Alex-”

She cut me off with a kiss on my lips, grabbing my shoulders and turning me as she twirled by. “You’ll never guess who I’ve just seen in town.” She paused to look down. “Hey, Sarge, how are you today?” She made kissy noises at my cat, Sargent Pepper, and I chuckled, shaking my head. He nuzzled his face into her hand and started to purr.

“Well?”

“Well, what?” She turned and held out a paper bag. “Lipstick, nail polish and brand new lingerie. A gift from me to you. I thought about getting you a dildo too, but then I decided instead we’re going out tonight and you’re going to get laid.”

I shook my head. “Who did you see in town, Alexis?”

“Oh!” She grinned. “That bitch, Sandra. Don’t worry, I slipped a used tampon into her handbag.”

“You didn’t!”

“No, I didn’t, because I didn’t have one. But I thought about it.” She opened the door to the living room and then paused. “You do know it’s only the beginning of November, right?”

“It’s the tenth!”

She turned back to face me, raising her eyebrows. “Right, like I said, the beginning of November. You…